I have it in mind to one day start a blog on the realities of this fallen world, with particular emphasis on death. But considering my track record of posts on this blog, it would be unwise. Nevertheless, it is a topic that I would like to write about on occasion, and one that I feel is often cast aside in western evangelicalism. As I’ve D.A. Carson proclaim multiple times, death has become the last taboo. We can talk about divorce, religion, politics, sex, and homosexuality as normal issues—but if death is brought up, you can bet that the conversation will become awkward in a hurry.
In a class on exegetical method last year, each student in my class was called upon to study a chapter in Ecclesiastes. It turned out to be a valuable endeavor, and helped to deepen my view of the Bible and of the world. This particular book has often been misjudged, and to the degree that it is, we are missing out on truths that will deepen our root in Christ.
Qoheleth, the “preacher” of Ecclesiastes, has often been viewed as a pessimist. This may be due to drastic statements like these: “And I thought the dead who are already dead more fortunate than the living who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been and has not seen the evil deeds that are done under the sun” (4:2-3).
The reality is that life “under the sun” is frustrating at best and evil at worst. Yesterday my wife cleaned my son’s bottles so they are ready for today. And today, she will clean them again. And tomorrow the cycle will continue. This is life—and it can be quite frustrating (read chapter 1 of Ecclesiastes). But this confronts the easiest aspect of life. What’s worse yet is that my wife will get older. And, Lord willing, she will die before our son. He will then face life without a mom that loved and cared for him many years. This is not a possibility but a reality that is also part of life’s cycle.
But what’s worse yet, children may die before their parents. Parents may never even hold their baby while they live. Ecclesiastes was written during a time when the infant death rate was 50%. That is, every time a woman went into labor she had death hanging over her head. And surely in a time when larger families were the norm, we can presume that most parents dealt with dead babies.
It must also be noted that this is natural evil. This does not even tap into the particular evil of slavery, murder, holocausts, genocides, etc. In fact, it is this category of evil that leads Qoheleth to make the negative statement above. And is he not right? Is it not better to have already died than to go through such oppression as the holocaust and never receive comfort (4:1)? Indeed it is.
It’s not that Qoheleth views life in pessimism—it’s that life is pessimistic. He sounds pessimistic because he’s preaching of a pessimistic world. We must get our minds around this in order to live rightly for the glory of Christ.
The puritans got this. As my professor for this class proclaimed, “The puritans were not sadists!” Take what Noel Piper wrote regarding Jonathan Edwards:
For Jonathan, the reality of death led automatically to the need for eternal life. He wrote to their ten-year-old Jonathan Jr. about the death of a playmate. “This is a loud call of God to you to prepare for death….Never give yourself any rest unless you have good evidence that you are converted and become a new creature. (This was on pg. 33-34 of Faithful Women & Their Extraordinary God. The Edward’s quote is from George Marsden’s biography of Edwards, pg. 412)
Evil is a reality in this present world, and it ought to be recognized for what it is, or else we might miss the call to cling to Christ for the redemption of our sinful souls and the redemption of this sin-cursed world.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Reintro into Blogosphere
It has been 10 months since my last post. Wow. Although my reasons may not seem convincing, let me explain. On September 10, 2010, my son—David Benjamin Tarter—was born. He has been a blessing in so many respects, but has surely hindered the blogging category of life.
In addition to David, I was entering the last semester of undergrad studies, working part-time, competing in the final season of my football career, and eventually moving from Minneapolis to Punta Gorda, Florida where we now reside. Life was busy and blogging became a non-essential (see my wife’s wonderful blog for all that has occurred in our life lately). Nevertheless, it has not left my mind and I have been perpetually creating ideas for future posts—this being the first.
From here on out, I intend to post once a week…please note the term intend. I will strive for discipline in the midst of controlled chaos, but would not bet my son’s life on it.
That being said, I thought it would be fitting to jot down some convictions impressed upon me during our stay in the Twin Cities:
1) I am NOT “God’s gift” to my wife, the church, or anyone.
2) I am very incompetent in so many ways.
3) I am quite thankful that God uses the weak things of the world for his glory.
4) My wife is very competent in many ways—and there are storehouses of knowledge that I can gain from listening to her.
5) God is the gracious benefactor of all good things, and I am a lowly beneficiary of his grace. I have nothing to give the Lord God Almighty. I simply receive that which he freely gives—this is the essence of Gospel reception.
6) Worship is not truly worship if one does not engage their mind along with their heart in praise and adoration. We are called to take part in the kingdom that worships in “spirit and in truth.”
7) In D.A. Carson’s words, “A text without a context is a pretext for a proof-text.” All of scripture must be read in context—in both the immediate and holistic sense.
8) The Bible is not a topical religious resource, or a mystical self-help book, but the revelation of who he is in all his glory, culminating in the person of Jesus Christ.
9) Any education or knowledge one might gain that is never tied back to God is ultimately superficial. This includes math, science, economics, etc.
10) Being with God in perfect fellowship forever is the “good news” of the Gospel; i.e. God is the Gospel, and heaven is not heaven without God.
This list is surely not exhaustive, but I think it shows the core of what God has done in my heart and mind these past 3 years.
In addition to David, I was entering the last semester of undergrad studies, working part-time, competing in the final season of my football career, and eventually moving from Minneapolis to Punta Gorda, Florida where we now reside. Life was busy and blogging became a non-essential (see my wife’s wonderful blog for all that has occurred in our life lately). Nevertheless, it has not left my mind and I have been perpetually creating ideas for future posts—this being the first.
From here on out, I intend to post once a week…please note the term intend. I will strive for discipline in the midst of controlled chaos, but would not bet my son’s life on it.
That being said, I thought it would be fitting to jot down some convictions impressed upon me during our stay in the Twin Cities:
1) I am NOT “God’s gift” to my wife, the church, or anyone.
2) I am very incompetent in so many ways.
3) I am quite thankful that God uses the weak things of the world for his glory.
4) My wife is very competent in many ways—and there are storehouses of knowledge that I can gain from listening to her.
5) God is the gracious benefactor of all good things, and I am a lowly beneficiary of his grace. I have nothing to give the Lord God Almighty. I simply receive that which he freely gives—this is the essence of Gospel reception.
6) Worship is not truly worship if one does not engage their mind along with their heart in praise and adoration. We are called to take part in the kingdom that worships in “spirit and in truth.”
7) In D.A. Carson’s words, “A text without a context is a pretext for a proof-text.” All of scripture must be read in context—in both the immediate and holistic sense.
8) The Bible is not a topical religious resource, or a mystical self-help book, but the revelation of who he is in all his glory, culminating in the person of Jesus Christ.
9) Any education or knowledge one might gain that is never tied back to God is ultimately superficial. This includes math, science, economics, etc.
10) Being with God in perfect fellowship forever is the “good news” of the Gospel; i.e. God is the Gospel, and heaven is not heaven without God.
This list is surely not exhaustive, but I think it shows the core of what God has done in my heart and mind these past 3 years.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Significance of the "Free Will" Debate
Luther did not mess around when it came to defending God’s freedom in grace:
Luther had little patience for anyone who would rob God of his glory by upholding man’s will as the ultimate determining factor in salvation. In opposition to such people, he was quick to reveal God as the all-powerful, grace-giving benefactor, and man as the powerless, grace-needing beneficiary. John Piper writes:
Where one stands in the free-will debate inevitably affects their doctrine of God and man. It affects how we think, how we pray, how we read our Bibles, how we evangelize, and much more. This was quite evident this past week when two friends were grieving.
Cory and Heather Wessman lost Micah, their 9-month old baby, less than two weeks ago. How he died was nothing less than a “freak” incident. It started on a Thursday when he fell off his high chair and inhaled a pea while crying (which they didn’t find out until later). The next day he developed pneumonia. After many hospital visits and an x-ray with no findings, Micah stopped breathing on Sunday at their home. Heather and a few others did CPR for quite some time, but he was without oxygen for about an hour when he reached the hospital. Micah was kept alive by machines until Monday, when his parents had to make the horrific decision to take him off life support since he was completely brain dead.
As one would guess, Cory and Heather are going through much grief. But I must say, even with all the weeping, that they are acting as mirrors used by God to display His glory. My wife and I, along with two other couples in our small group (Cory and Heather are in our small group), brought dinner over to their house last Thursday and visited with them for a few hours. Throughout our conversation it was clear that they are clinging to a sovereign God, which can be shown in two ways.
1) It has been said to the Wessman’s that God is not to blame in this incident. In other words, God is somehow not in control, or didn’t ordain Micah’s death. This is a prominent view in modern evangelicalism. We want to somehow get God “off the hook.” But the Wessman’s are not clinging to a God who simply sets the clock in motion and removes himself from everyday events. They are clinging to the God who “works all things according to the counsel of his will,” and know that “for those who love God all things work together for good” (Ephesians 1:11 and Romans 8:28). In fact, right after Cory and Heather pulled Micah off life-support, Cory’s brother read this from Rom. 11, to which the Wessman’s whole-heartily agreed:
Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!
For who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has become His counselor?"
Or who has first given to Him
And it shall be repaid to him?"
For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.
2) Others who know the Wessman’s—or simply their story—have wondered how they still have faith…or how they are so strong. Cory and Heather respond in the same manner as above. Heather has told people, “It’s God, all from Him.” They are more than willing to vocalize their dependency upon Jesus, knowing that he gives strength. Although in grief daily, they love verses such as Psalm 30:5,
For his anger is but for a moment,
And his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
But joy comes with the morning.
The same God who “works all things according to the counsel of his will,” is the one who is carrying them through the night, and will give joy in the morning. And they also know that the most prominent way this occurs is by giving faith. Like Luther, they see faith as a merciful gift of God that is sustained by His sovereign grace (Philippians 1:6). And they are glad that their faith is not dependent on their strength of will, but on His mercy. They find joy in magnifying Christ by boasting of their need for Him, knowing that in this He is seen as the merciful sustainer who upholds His people at all times.
The precious doctrines of grace become all the more significant when we see the impact they have on living a God-glorifying life. Luther saw this, and considered his Bondage of the Will to be, perhaps, his most important work. Cory and Heather have also seen this, and now feel it all the more. They are quick to proclaim God’s free grace in all that He does, which was crystal clear in the songs they chose for the funeral. I’ll end with the first verse one of them:
Day By Day
I condemn and reject as nothing but error all doctrines which exalt our “free will” as being directly opposed to this mediation and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. For since, apart from Christ, sin and death are our masters and the devil is our god and prince, there can be no strength or power, no wit or wisdom, by which we can fit or fashion ourselves for righteousness and life. On the contrary, blinded and captivated, we are bound to be the subjects of Satan and sin, doing and thinking what pleases him and is opposed to God and His commandments.”(Plass, What Luther Says, vol. 3, pp. 1376-1377).
Luther had little patience for anyone who would rob God of his glory by upholding man’s will as the ultimate determining factor in salvation. In opposition to such people, he was quick to reveal God as the all-powerful, grace-giving benefactor, and man as the powerless, grace-needing beneficiary. John Piper writes:
This is why prayer is the root of Luther’s approach to studying God’s Word. Prayer is the echo of the freedom and sufficiency of God in the heart of powerless man. It is the way Luther conceived of his theology and the way he pursued his studies. And it is the way he died…His last recorded words were, ‘Wir sein Bettler. Hoc est verum.’ ‘We are beggars. This is true.’ God is free—utterly free—in his grace. And we are beggars—pray-ers. That is how we live, that is how we die, and that is how we study, so that God gets the glory and we get the grace.(Legacy of Sovereign Joy, 110-111)
Where one stands in the free-will debate inevitably affects their doctrine of God and man. It affects how we think, how we pray, how we read our Bibles, how we evangelize, and much more. This was quite evident this past week when two friends were grieving.
Cory and Heather Wessman lost Micah, their 9-month old baby, less than two weeks ago. How he died was nothing less than a “freak” incident. It started on a Thursday when he fell off his high chair and inhaled a pea while crying (which they didn’t find out until later). The next day he developed pneumonia. After many hospital visits and an x-ray with no findings, Micah stopped breathing on Sunday at their home. Heather and a few others did CPR for quite some time, but he was without oxygen for about an hour when he reached the hospital. Micah was kept alive by machines until Monday, when his parents had to make the horrific decision to take him off life support since he was completely brain dead.
As one would guess, Cory and Heather are going through much grief. But I must say, even with all the weeping, that they are acting as mirrors used by God to display His glory. My wife and I, along with two other couples in our small group (Cory and Heather are in our small group), brought dinner over to their house last Thursday and visited with them for a few hours. Throughout our conversation it was clear that they are clinging to a sovereign God, which can be shown in two ways.
1) It has been said to the Wessman’s that God is not to blame in this incident. In other words, God is somehow not in control, or didn’t ordain Micah’s death. This is a prominent view in modern evangelicalism. We want to somehow get God “off the hook.” But the Wessman’s are not clinging to a God who simply sets the clock in motion and removes himself from everyday events. They are clinging to the God who “works all things according to the counsel of his will,” and know that “for those who love God all things work together for good” (Ephesians 1:11 and Romans 8:28). In fact, right after Cory and Heather pulled Micah off life-support, Cory’s brother read this from Rom. 11, to which the Wessman’s whole-heartily agreed:
Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!
For who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has become His counselor?"
Or who has first given to Him
And it shall be repaid to him?"
For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.
2) Others who know the Wessman’s—or simply their story—have wondered how they still have faith…or how they are so strong. Cory and Heather respond in the same manner as above. Heather has told people, “It’s God, all from Him.” They are more than willing to vocalize their dependency upon Jesus, knowing that he gives strength. Although in grief daily, they love verses such as Psalm 30:5,
For his anger is but for a moment,
And his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
But joy comes with the morning.
The same God who “works all things according to the counsel of his will,” is the one who is carrying them through the night, and will give joy in the morning. And they also know that the most prominent way this occurs is by giving faith. Like Luther, they see faith as a merciful gift of God that is sustained by His sovereign grace (Philippians 1:6). And they are glad that their faith is not dependent on their strength of will, but on His mercy. They find joy in magnifying Christ by boasting of their need for Him, knowing that in this He is seen as the merciful sustainer who upholds His people at all times.
The precious doctrines of grace become all the more significant when we see the impact they have on living a God-glorifying life. Luther saw this, and considered his Bondage of the Will to be, perhaps, his most important work. Cory and Heather have also seen this, and now feel it all the more. They are quick to proclaim God’s free grace in all that He does, which was crystal clear in the songs they chose for the funeral. I’ll end with the first verse one of them:
Day By Day
Day by day and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Give unto each day what He deems best;
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Grace, The Heart, and Our Children
The church service this morning was full of spiritual meat. God is so gracious to reveal sin and point our straying hearts back to the cross. In straying, my tendency is too often to “white-knuckle” my way through life. I somehow think that if I try harder at following Christ my holiness increases—this is not grace. But I was blessed pierced, convicted, and brought to repentance this morning. The last song in the service was “Oh Great God of Highest Heaven” by Bob Kauflin. I was only going to put the last verse down but couldn’t help myself:
O great God of highest heaven
Occupy my lowly heart
Own it all and reign supreme
Conquer every rebel power
Let no vice or sin remain
That resists Your holy war
You have loved and purchased me
Make me Yours forevermore
I was blinded by my sin
Had no ears to hear Your voice
Did not know Your love within
Had no taste for heaven’s joys
Then Your Spirit gave me life
Opened up Your Word to me
Through the gospel of Your Son
Gave me endless hope and peace
Help me now to live a life
That’s dependent on your grace
Keep my heart and guard my soul
From the evils that I face
For You are worthy to be praised
With my every thought and deed
Oh great God of highest heaven
Glorify Your Name in me
The antithesis of everything natural (sinful) that resides in me is to live in God’s grace by the Spirit. I feel so prone to slip into the mindset that I am somehow a benefactor of God, as though I could give something to Him. Rather, as the last verse states, even my life lived unto God—for His glory—is a result of divine grace.
After the service I went to Bethlehem’s bookstore to look around, and Emily wanted me to check out Shepherding a Child’s Heart. So I did. And after purchasing it and reading through the first 10-12 pages, I am very pleased. Ted Tripp makes it clear from the beginning that children need heart changes and not simply behavioral fixes. Obedience from children is not an end in itself, but parents ought to seek obedience only as it reflects a heart that hopes in Christ. Christ is the goal.
This is how Tripp puts it:
God is concerned with the heart—the well-spring of life (Proverbs 4:23). Parents tend to focus on the externals of behavior rather than the internal overflow of the heart. We tend to worry more about the “what of behavior than the “why”…
When we miss the heart, we miss the subtle idols of the heart. Romans 1 makes it clear that all human beings are worshipers; either we worship and serve God, or we make an exchange and worship and serve substitutes for God—created things rather than the Creator (Romans 1:18-25). When parenting short-circuits to behavior we miss the opportunity to help our kids understand that straying behavior displays a straying heart. Our kids are always serving something, either God or a substitute for God—an idol of the heart.
When we miss the heart, we miss the gospel. If the goal of parenting is no more profound than securing appropriate behavior, we will never help our children understand the internal things, the heart issues, that push and pull behavior. Those internal issues: self-love, rebellion, anger, bitterness, envy, and pride of the heart show our children how profoundly they need grace…
When we miss the heart, we miss the glory of God. The need of children (or adults) who have fallen into various forms of personal idolatry is not only to tear down the high places of the alien gods, but to enthrone God. Children are spring-loaded for worship. One of the most important callings God has given parents is to display the greatness, goodness, and glory of the God for whom they are made. Parents have the opportunity, through word and deed, to show children the one true object of worship—the God of the Bible. (This was in his Preface to the Second Edition, pg. xi, xii).
As we anxiously await the birth of our little boy, our prayer is that God will continually point our hearts back to the Gospel, so that we depend on His grace more, living a life of faithfulness and praise because of Christ’s incomparable worth—and in so doing that all of our children might see the worth of Christ as all-glorious, counting everything else as garbage that they might gain Him.
O great God of highest heaven
Occupy my lowly heart
Own it all and reign supreme
Conquer every rebel power
Let no vice or sin remain
That resists Your holy war
You have loved and purchased me
Make me Yours forevermore
I was blinded by my sin
Had no ears to hear Your voice
Did not know Your love within
Had no taste for heaven’s joys
Then Your Spirit gave me life
Opened up Your Word to me
Through the gospel of Your Son
Gave me endless hope and peace
Help me now to live a life
That’s dependent on your grace
Keep my heart and guard my soul
From the evils that I face
For You are worthy to be praised
With my every thought and deed
Oh great God of highest heaven
Glorify Your Name in me
The antithesis of everything natural (sinful) that resides in me is to live in God’s grace by the Spirit. I feel so prone to slip into the mindset that I am somehow a benefactor of God, as though I could give something to Him. Rather, as the last verse states, even my life lived unto God—for His glory—is a result of divine grace.
After the service I went to Bethlehem’s bookstore to look around, and Emily wanted me to check out Shepherding a Child’s Heart. So I did. And after purchasing it and reading through the first 10-12 pages, I am very pleased. Ted Tripp makes it clear from the beginning that children need heart changes and not simply behavioral fixes. Obedience from children is not an end in itself, but parents ought to seek obedience only as it reflects a heart that hopes in Christ. Christ is the goal.
This is how Tripp puts it:
God is concerned with the heart—the well-spring of life (Proverbs 4:23). Parents tend to focus on the externals of behavior rather than the internal overflow of the heart. We tend to worry more about the “what of behavior than the “why”…
When we miss the heart, we miss the subtle idols of the heart. Romans 1 makes it clear that all human beings are worshipers; either we worship and serve God, or we make an exchange and worship and serve substitutes for God—created things rather than the Creator (Romans 1:18-25). When parenting short-circuits to behavior we miss the opportunity to help our kids understand that straying behavior displays a straying heart. Our kids are always serving something, either God or a substitute for God—an idol of the heart.
When we miss the heart, we miss the gospel. If the goal of parenting is no more profound than securing appropriate behavior, we will never help our children understand the internal things, the heart issues, that push and pull behavior. Those internal issues: self-love, rebellion, anger, bitterness, envy, and pride of the heart show our children how profoundly they need grace…
When we miss the heart, we miss the glory of God. The need of children (or adults) who have fallen into various forms of personal idolatry is not only to tear down the high places of the alien gods, but to enthrone God. Children are spring-loaded for worship. One of the most important callings God has given parents is to display the greatness, goodness, and glory of the God for whom they are made. Parents have the opportunity, through word and deed, to show children the one true object of worship—the God of the Bible. (This was in his Preface to the Second Edition, pg. xi, xii).
As we anxiously await the birth of our little boy, our prayer is that God will continually point our hearts back to the Gospel, so that we depend on His grace more, living a life of faithfulness and praise because of Christ’s incomparable worth—and in so doing that all of our children might see the worth of Christ as all-glorious, counting everything else as garbage that they might gain Him.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
John Piper on TV and Movies
John Piper recently wrote an excellent article on his stance regarding television and movies. I have known for some time that he does not own a TV, but because he makes a point to never condemn television watching this is the most I've seen or heard him write on the topic. Here's a large chunk of the article:
May we all think of the glory of Jesus in everything that passes before our eyes.
I can’t give an answer for what Mark (Driscoll) means by “buy extra DVRs,” but I can tell you why my advice sounds different. I suspect that Mark and I would not agree on the degree to which the average pastor needs to be movie-savvy in order to be relevant, and the degree to which we should expose ourselves to the world’s entertainment.
I think relevance in preaching hangs very little on watching movies, and I think that much exposure to sensuality, banality, and God-absent entertainment does more to deaden our capacities for joy in Jesus than it does to make us spiritually powerful in the lives of the living dead. Sources of spiritual power—which are what we desperately need—are not in the cinema. You will not want your biographer to write: Prick him and he bleeds movies.
If you want to be relevant, say, for prostitutes, don’t watch a movie with a lot of tumbles in a brothel. Immerse yourself in the gospel, which is tailor-made for prostitutes; then watch Jesus deal with them in the Bible; then go find a prostitute and talk to her. Listen to her, not the movie. Being entertained by sin does not increase compassion for sinners.
There are, perhaps, a few extraordinary men who can watch action-packed, suspenseful, sexually explicit films and come away more godly. But there are not many. And I am certainly not one of them.
I have a high tolerance for violence, high tolerance for bad language, and zero tolerance for nudity. There is a reason for these differences. The violence is make-believe. They don’t really mean those bad words. But that lady is really naked, and I am really watching. And somewhere she has a brokenhearted father.
I’ll put it bluntly. The only nude female body a guy should ever lay his eyes on is his wife’s. The few exceptions include doctors, morticians, and fathers changing diapers. “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” (Job 31:1). What the eyes see really matters. “Everyone who looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Better to gouge your eye than go to hell (verse 29).
Brothers, that is serious. Really serious. Jesus is violent about this. What we do with our eyes can damn us. One reason is that it is virtually impossible to transition from being entertained by nudity to an act of “beholding the glory of the Lord.” But this means the entire Christian life is threatened by the deadening effects of sexual titillation.
All Christ-exalting transformation comes from “beholding the glory of Christ.” “Beholding the glory of the Lord, [we] are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another” (2 Corinthians 3:18). Whatever dulls the eyes of our mind from seeing Christ powerfully and purely is destroying us. There is not one man in a thousand whose spiritual eyes are more readily moved by the beauty of Christ because he has just seen a bare breast with his buddies.
But leave sex aside (as if that were possible for fifteen minutes on TV). It’s the unremitting triviality that makes television so deadly. What we desperately need is help to enlarge our capacities to be moved by the immeasurable glories of Christ. Television takes us almost constantly in the opposite direction, lowering, shrinking, and deadening our capacities for worshiping Christ.
May we all think of the glory of Jesus in everything that passes before our eyes.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Happy Birthday Emily Anne Tarter!
Throughout Desiring God, John Piper makes it very clear that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. I have thought of this phrase quite a bit lately—particularly in regard to its parallels with my marriage. I praise God the most when I am most joyful and content in my relationship with Him. When God makes me most happy and I am enjoying the glories of Calvary, His worth is magnified in me. Likewise, as I ponder how to make the most of my wife on her 22nd birthday, I intend to simply proclaim the joy I have in her. For it is in the expression of my joy and satisfaction in Emily that I can show to all who read how incredible she is!
Emily turns 22 tomorrow, June 26th. Every year her birthday is a time of fun and relaxation for us both. We take a few days off work and do something out of the ordinary. Last year, we went to Duluth—it was a marvelous time. This year, however, we do not have the funds to do anything “out of the ordinary,” with the exception of a few days off work. Of course, I have some plans that I cannot disclose at this time, but for the most part we are staying home and enjoying each other. And oh how excited we are!!! At the end of the day when I get done with work (or whatever I am doing) and I think about the evening, I get an instantaneous feeling of gratification just knowing it will be spent with my wife. I absolutely love just being with her—and this 4-day weekend will be filled with “just being together.”
I want to make it plain however—before you jump to conclusions—that this is not an extension of the “newly-wed” bliss that young married couples often feel. Emily and I have been married for 2 and half years, and although this is a relatively short amount of time, it is more than enough to know that the honeymoon is over. In fact, I would say (and Emily would concur) that the first year of marriage was by far the hardest we’ve had. It took 1 day after the honeymoon for me to realize that I couldn’t spend my time doing whatever I please whenever I please (I was dumb). It took a couple weeks for me to get tired of “snuggling” at night—I was used to my own bed and sleeping on my schedule. It took 6 months for financial troubles to occur, causing many fights and much distress. Throughout all these times, there was little joy.
Now is a much different story. It’s not that all these things have completely changed (especially our financial situation), but our hearts have changed—my heart has changed. By God’s grace I’ve learned that I am to love Emily as Christ loves the Church, and in my pleading for help from my Father, He has transformed the way I look at Emily. I now count it pure joy whenever I can spend time with Emily. I enjoy simply watching her mannerisms in every situation, and even have to refrain from smiling because she is so unbelievably cute when frustrated and annoyed. I can now even proclaim that I can’t stand it when Emily is NOT in bed with me—and she is the one who has to tell me to stop “snuggling” when I get overbearing! The Lord has blessed Emily and me to find joy in our marriage through the fellowship of “just being together,” and I am therefore oozing with excitement to serve Emily in every way possible this weekend. I have so much more that I wanted to say (in particular all the mannerisms and expressions of Emily that me feel such joy), but I have to leave my current post and pick Emily up from work. But I am not disappointed, because I get to be with her! Happy Birthday Emily!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Joy Lost—And Found!
It has been too long since my last blog post…please forgive me! There has been so much going on in my life—both inwardly and outwardly—that I had a difficult time choosing what exactly to write about. But alas, I must choose one thing to write about—for now—and as I learned in Bryan Chapell’s Praying Backwards, “As long as the matters we are considering are righteous, we can even pray for and choose the most delightful “apples” (i.e., options) he grants” (149). And so, of the many options the Lord has bestowed upon me these last 10 days, I have chosen to write upon the most foundational. Namely, how God took away and restored my joy!
About a week ago, I was really struggling with joyfulness. Now before you perceive this struggle to be of the “sorrowful yet always rejoicing” variety, just know that it wasn’t. In fact, this was the very problem. I was not un-joyful for any particular reason. That is, there was not an event that brought sorrow upon me while I was still undergirded by the joy of hoping in God. For this hoping in God was the joy that I could not find. And I was mad. I thought, “Why doesn’t God give me the joy that I long for?” “What is causing this state of spiritual restlessness?”
I didn’t quite know how to feel. It’s hard to say at what point this all started, but I know that last Monday was the culmination of these feelings. I went to work crabby and instead of working alone (which occurs 50% of the time) I was paired with 2 other guys to have a nice, long day.
Working with these guys wasn’t the problem, however. It was still me. I had no joy in the small sorrows and victories that occur throughout this (and every other) day. I was depressed. And it worsened. In the last 3 or 4 months the Lord has blessed me with multiple opportunities to talk about Christ and the gospel with many of my co-workers. He has continually put me in situations where it’s do or die—I either talk about Jesus or show how little I care about Him. And, in His mercy, He has supplied the grace to be bold and courageous in these conversations.
This Monday, however, was different. Toward the end of the day I was put in a position to talk about Jesus as my greatest Treasure, but failed. I could candy-coat the scenario by revealing that it wasn’t as much of a “do or die” situation as were the previous instances. But truthfully, it doesn’t really matter. When there was a perceived opportunity to joyfully proclaim my joy in Jesus to my co-workers, I backed away from the opportunity instead of attacking it head on. I revealed that I (at least in that moment) don’t care enough about Jesus to make much of Him above all else. I ended the day looking in the mirror and hating what I saw. I was depressed, deprived of joy, and ashamed of the gospel.
When I got home that day, Emily and I began to talk about these things. She was experiencing some of the same feelings about her failure and how it applies to her future motherhood, while I sat in my pink rocking chair with no idea what to do with myself. And then, we had to face the dilemma of small group. This past year Emily and I have been in a small group Bible study through our beloved church—Bethlehem Baptist Church. The Lord has been gracious to surround us with people who love us, love His Word, and ultimately—love Jesus. But this particular evening we were not too thrilled about going. The temptation to skip was strong, but we decided to attend, knowing how encouraged we always are by our friends. And we were! Emily in particular. But the Lord was still working on me.
I awoke on Tuesday feeling a little better, but the issues were not resolved. After work, I was debating whether to go with Josh (our small group leader) to evangelize in downtown Minneapolis. I decided that it would be good for me to go, so I did. After Josh had a 10 minute conversation with a guy named Jerry, he asked me what I thought, and if I was praying. I answered, “Well, uhh, I got caught up in the conversation and…well I went and talked to this guy while you were talking but he wasn’t interested…” As we walked along I began to feel the weight of my self-love. I wasn’t praying. I didn’t even think about. I turned the conversation into glorifying me instead of admitting my failure—how gross! Shortly after, I talked to a guy about life, death, and the gospel. I thought to myself, “The conversation went good…I thought I did alright….the guy wanted to come to church.” Then, perhaps more felt than thought: “My words were sufficient…but I want to speak so well, with all the right intellectual arguments, that Josh won’t even think about helping out.” We walked along, had a few more conversations, and I went home—somewhat feeling my sin in repentance, but still needing grace.
Then Wednesday came! Finally, sweet Wednesday! For whatever reason, the Lord woke me up on the right side of the bed this morning. I had some joy! But as I made my way to work the joy became full—and real! I was thinking about the previous evening and the Holy Spirit struck me dead with the weight of my sin, as if saying, “Don’t you see Zach! Don’t you see the deceitfulness of sin! These past few days your joy was gone because you were not rooted in the gospel! You were hoping in self…trusting in self! From Saturday when you sought pleasure in your comfort, to Monday when you sought pleasure in how well you serve ME at work, and even Tuesday when you were proclaiming good news about ME…it was all rooted in you! But take heart my child. I paid for this. I died for these past few days of self-seeking so that you might find your joy in full—in ME! You are weak Zach…but I am strong! You are a failure Zach…but I have never failed you and never will! So look to the cross and behold your Savior! Be restored…for I have been longing for this day that I might return to you the joy found in the only One who can ever fulfill your desires—ME!”
The thick layer of tint that blinded my eyes from seeing the joy right in front of me was removed by the Spirit, renewing my joy in God. And it was and is wonderful. So until the next time that I fall and need to be renewed, I will bask in the glories of Calvary…for His glory and my JOY!
Psalm 32
Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah
I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah
Therefore let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him. You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
or it will not stay near you.
Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.
Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!
About a week ago, I was really struggling with joyfulness. Now before you perceive this struggle to be of the “sorrowful yet always rejoicing” variety, just know that it wasn’t. In fact, this was the very problem. I was not un-joyful for any particular reason. That is, there was not an event that brought sorrow upon me while I was still undergirded by the joy of hoping in God. For this hoping in God was the joy that I could not find. And I was mad. I thought, “Why doesn’t God give me the joy that I long for?” “What is causing this state of spiritual restlessness?”
I didn’t quite know how to feel. It’s hard to say at what point this all started, but I know that last Monday was the culmination of these feelings. I went to work crabby and instead of working alone (which occurs 50% of the time) I was paired with 2 other guys to have a nice, long day.
Working with these guys wasn’t the problem, however. It was still me. I had no joy in the small sorrows and victories that occur throughout this (and every other) day. I was depressed. And it worsened. In the last 3 or 4 months the Lord has blessed me with multiple opportunities to talk about Christ and the gospel with many of my co-workers. He has continually put me in situations where it’s do or die—I either talk about Jesus or show how little I care about Him. And, in His mercy, He has supplied the grace to be bold and courageous in these conversations.
This Monday, however, was different. Toward the end of the day I was put in a position to talk about Jesus as my greatest Treasure, but failed. I could candy-coat the scenario by revealing that it wasn’t as much of a “do or die” situation as were the previous instances. But truthfully, it doesn’t really matter. When there was a perceived opportunity to joyfully proclaim my joy in Jesus to my co-workers, I backed away from the opportunity instead of attacking it head on. I revealed that I (at least in that moment) don’t care enough about Jesus to make much of Him above all else. I ended the day looking in the mirror and hating what I saw. I was depressed, deprived of joy, and ashamed of the gospel.
When I got home that day, Emily and I began to talk about these things. She was experiencing some of the same feelings about her failure and how it applies to her future motherhood, while I sat in my pink rocking chair with no idea what to do with myself. And then, we had to face the dilemma of small group. This past year Emily and I have been in a small group Bible study through our beloved church—Bethlehem Baptist Church. The Lord has been gracious to surround us with people who love us, love His Word, and ultimately—love Jesus. But this particular evening we were not too thrilled about going. The temptation to skip was strong, but we decided to attend, knowing how encouraged we always are by our friends. And we were! Emily in particular. But the Lord was still working on me.
I awoke on Tuesday feeling a little better, but the issues were not resolved. After work, I was debating whether to go with Josh (our small group leader) to evangelize in downtown Minneapolis. I decided that it would be good for me to go, so I did. After Josh had a 10 minute conversation with a guy named Jerry, he asked me what I thought, and if I was praying. I answered, “Well, uhh, I got caught up in the conversation and…well I went and talked to this guy while you were talking but he wasn’t interested…” As we walked along I began to feel the weight of my self-love. I wasn’t praying. I didn’t even think about. I turned the conversation into glorifying me instead of admitting my failure—how gross! Shortly after, I talked to a guy about life, death, and the gospel. I thought to myself, “The conversation went good…I thought I did alright….the guy wanted to come to church.” Then, perhaps more felt than thought: “My words were sufficient…but I want to speak so well, with all the right intellectual arguments, that Josh won’t even think about helping out.” We walked along, had a few more conversations, and I went home—somewhat feeling my sin in repentance, but still needing grace.
Then Wednesday came! Finally, sweet Wednesday! For whatever reason, the Lord woke me up on the right side of the bed this morning. I had some joy! But as I made my way to work the joy became full—and real! I was thinking about the previous evening and the Holy Spirit struck me dead with the weight of my sin, as if saying, “Don’t you see Zach! Don’t you see the deceitfulness of sin! These past few days your joy was gone because you were not rooted in the gospel! You were hoping in self…trusting in self! From Saturday when you sought pleasure in your comfort, to Monday when you sought pleasure in how well you serve ME at work, and even Tuesday when you were proclaiming good news about ME…it was all rooted in you! But take heart my child. I paid for this. I died for these past few days of self-seeking so that you might find your joy in full—in ME! You are weak Zach…but I am strong! You are a failure Zach…but I have never failed you and never will! So look to the cross and behold your Savior! Be restored…for I have been longing for this day that I might return to you the joy found in the only One who can ever fulfill your desires—ME!”
The thick layer of tint that blinded my eyes from seeing the joy right in front of me was removed by the Spirit, renewing my joy in God. And it was and is wonderful. So until the next time that I fall and need to be renewed, I will bask in the glories of Calvary…for His glory and my JOY!
Psalm 32
Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah
I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah
Therefore let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him. You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
or it will not stay near you.
Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.
Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!
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